my recent-grad life crisis

Hi guys. Today, I just want to chat with you openly and have a really honest convo with you about what I’ve been going through lately. I love to share bits of my life and how I stay healthy, but I rarely get deep with you guys so here we go… I graduated college last May. I went to Pace University, in lower Manhattan. I was constantly busy, dealing with the everyday hustle of the city, the crowds of people commuting to work on the morning subways, and the myriad of plans that my life offered… Do I go to my friend’s bands show? Do I stay in and do some homework? Do I have some friends over with wine on the couch? Maybe we check out that cool bar that just opened?

It seemed I was always busy. And college is really that, busy-ness. Between all-nighters where we have to study for tests or cram out an 8-page paper, we have so many friends to chug coffee with in the library or grab sushi with or see a play. Especially in NYC, it seemed that there was hardly any downtime and I liked that. I’m an extroverted person, I love to talk to people and I rarely like to be alone.

But last year, I realized I didn’t like NYC anymore. I was living in a crowded, dirty area in the East Village near Alphabet City. I was paying an extraordinary amount of money to live in a tiny closet-sized bedroom in a 5th floor walk-up (no elevator) and I really didn’t like my roommate. I was over it. So, I decided the best thing to do after graduation was to move back home. I would get a job in NJ and take a breather.

But here’s the thing, now I am bored. Mostly all of my friends still live in NYC and me? I work 9-5, go home, eat dinner, and do the same thing the next day. There’s no more exciting plans and possibilities, no more lazy Sundays exploring flea markets or book shops or trendy restaurants. Don’t get me wrong- there are certain things I love about being home, like the proximity to the beach and my family close-by. But, I feel a bit lost.

I decided to try to look into moving to Brooklyn, where my sister and her friends are about to move to in the next few weeks. I am slowly coming around to the idea of adjusting myself in a new spot again. I don’t have a job in NYC nor the possibility of any roommates at the time. But it’s a start to be thinking about this and I wanted to know if anyone else feels like this too? Being young means trying out where we want to go, what we want to do, etc. And we shouldn’t be apologetic about it, right? I want to live a life that is exciting and I think heading back to an exciting place might give me that. I guess I’m a bit torn on what I want to do, where I want to live, and who I want to be. But I am going to keep thinking about it and try to do the one thing I have a very difficult time doing- take one day at a time.

I am feeling very anxious about the uncertainty of it all, the un-knownness of it all. But I guess, there is good in feeling like that, too. Because it means there are many possibilities out there for me and so many paths to choose from. I read a quote recently that I will try to apply to my life: If you don’t know where you’re going, any path will take you there.

13 Comments

  1. Know that it’s okay to be uncertain about where you want to be. When I feel like that I think about what & where I want to be in 5 years and if what I’m doing today is leading me in the correct direction of that goal. Hope that helps! (: Whatever is supposed to happen will, don’t overthink life.

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    1. Yes, thank you. That helps so much! I definitely think I am an over-thinker. I constantly think about if I’m where I need to be, what I want to do to fix it, etc. I think it’s better to have an overall goal but go with the flow, like you said!

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  2. As normal as it is to be uncertain, I know it’s a stressful feeling. I always dream of a calm life, but I’m very extroverted as well. It’s all about balance I suppose. Best of luck!

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  3. The feeling of uncertainty is horrible. But I can literally pick any part of my life and find huge uncertainties in them; I guess it’s about acknowledging that not everything in your control but you’ll definitely make the best of all of it. Great post!

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  4. What you are going through is so normal. I’m sure you could find some activities in NJ to keep you stimulated, or make a weekly plan to head into the city to get your fix of excitement, without going broke. It might be helpful to save some money while you are young and a new grad, and then move back to an area with more fun 🙂

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  5. These are all the reasons why I didn’t move to New York from Houston, and I kind of regret it. I live in the suburbs now and my whole life is like one giant lame commute + super rad exercise classes.

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